Wednesday, November 4, 2015

A Memory

It’s late. It is much later than when this blog post was expected to have been written. The plan was for something – at least a rough draft – to be done by noon. But, you know, life.

This wasn’t the best day, although, it wasn’t terrible. It was busy with errands to be done and appointments met. I got the errands part done: recyclables turned it for cash - forty dollars, not bad; grocery store for a couple of bottles lavender lemonade that I’m addicted to at the moment; made a quick stop at Cost Plus World Market… I love that place! I needed one of those long, wooden handle dish scrubbers. Wish I would have had more time to browse around the store being as I had some “me” spending money; finally, my daughter and I swung by Sprouts Market for a few things that I like to from there. That was my morning.  Oh, I forgot, stopped at the car wash. Man, my car was dirty… California, drought. A new normal.

We were back home with only enough time for me to make my mom a diabetic (type 2) friendly three bean salad and have a quick lunch of banana and water. A bad tooth made me miserable the entire day. Mom was happy to see my daughter and receive the food I prepared for her. Zooming from her place to get to my appointment was fruitless. Road work and red stop lights prevented a timely arrival. I had to reschedule. This was the not-so-great part of my day. This was a rare occurrence so I was kind to myself and did my best to not let it get to me. Now, despite the fact that I got a bit turned around and backwards trying to get on the right road back toward my end of town – there seemed to road construction at every turn – I manage to let that go too. I found my way back onto a familiar road and all was well.

I did arrive on time to pick up my son from work mid-way between Palm Springs and our end of the valley, then off we went back to the house. One more outing to pick up my husband from his appointment and turn right back around to head home to make dinner... check. Rehashing my day here leaves me exhausted. I just took some heavy duty pain meds that I got from a recent emergency room visit when I was there with this aching tooth a few weeks ago. I hope it helps me get a decent night sleep. I'm seriously considering staring a Go Fund Me page with the hope of raising money to help pay for necessary dental treatment. We don't have dental insurance, and unable to handle financial burden. So for now it is soft foods and liquid supplements.

Now, about that memory. Today is November 4th. It has been exactly three years to the day when I was hospitalized for an emotional breakdown. I was expecting this memory to put a wrench in my day, but in all actuality, I'm doing fine. There is no greater trauma in all my life that could compare to that day. It’s actually somewhat fuzzy in my brain, but believe me, I have had some utterly devastating moments that I wish I could forget. The fourteen days of my hospitalization served a purpose and got me back on my way to the normal that is managing life with bipolar disorder and the chronic pain caused by fibromyalgia. The days that lead up to that day were the culmination of hardship that comes with long term joblessness, which resulted in my family becoming homeless. A humbling desperate call to family in California from the home in Colorado where we lived for nearly 10 years to ask relatives if they could take us in set us on a long, soul crushing journey that left us numb.

Today, we find ourselves still in recovery mode. We are in a rental in a quiet neighborhood. There is food and all the comforts that come with a steady income. The days of dealing with the stress that came when we had to decide between groceries, fuel, and utilities have passed. Today, there is no more despair. Today, there is wellness and peace of mind. Today there is the ability to tackle life’s small inconveniences that my come my way.

Today was a good day.  

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